|
Seventh BookLife From Age Thirty-One
Life From Age Thirty-One
Augustine`s thirty-first year; gradually extricated from his errors, but
still with material conceptions of God; much aided by an argument of
Nebridius; sees that the cause of sin lies in free-will, rejects the
Manichaean heresy, but can not altogether embrace the doctrine of the Church;
recovered from the belief in Astrology, but miserably perplexed about the
origin of evil; is led to find in the Platonists the seeds of the doctrine of
the Divinity of the Word, but not of His humiliation; hence he obtains clearer
notions of God`s majesty, but, not knowing Christ to be the Mediator, remains
estranged from Him; all his doubts removed by the study of Holy Scripture,
especially St. Paul.
Deceased was now that my evil and abominable youth, and I was passing
into early manhood; the more defiled by vain things as I grew in years, who
could not imagine any substance, but such as is wont to be seen with these
eyes. I thought not of Thee, O God, under the figure of a human body; since I
began to hear aught of wisdom, I always avoided this; and rejoiced to have
found the same in the faith of our spiritual mother, Thy Catholic Church. But
what else to conceive Thee I knew not. And I, a man, and such a man, sought to
conceive of Thee the sovereign, only, true God; and I did in my inmost soul
believe that Thou wert incorruptible, and uninjurable, and unchangeable;
because though not knowing whence or how, yet I saw plainly, and was sure,
that that which may be corrupted must be inferior to that which cannot; what
could not be injured I preferred unhesitatingly to what could receive injury;
the unchangeable to things subject to change. My heart passionately cried out
against all my phantoms, and with this one blow I sought to beat away from the
eye of my mind all that unclean troop which buzzed around it. And lo, being
scarce put off, in the twinkling of an eye they gathered again thick about me,
flew against my face, and beclouded it; so that though not under the form of
the human body, yet was I constrained to conceive of Thee (that incorruptible,
uninjurablepp, and unchangeable, which I preferred before the corruptible, and
injurable, and changeable) as being in space, whether infused into the world,
or diffused infinitely without it. Because whatsoever I conceived, deprived of
this space, seemed to me nothing, yea altogether nothing, not even a void, as
if a body were taken out of its place, and the place should remain empty of
any body at all, of earth and water, air and heaven, yet would it remain a
void place, as it were a spacious nothing.
I then being thus gross-hearted, nor clear even to myself, whatsoever
was not extended over certain spaces, nor diffused, nor condensed, nor swelled
out, or did not or could not receive some of these dimensions, I thought to be
altogether nothing. For over such forms as my eyes are wont to range, did my
heart then range: nor yet did I see that this same notion of the mind, whereby
I formed those very images, was not of this sort, and yet it could not have
formed them, had not itself been some great thing. So also did I endeavour to
conceive of Thee, Life of my life, as vast, through infinite spaces on every
side penetrating the whole mass of the universe, and beyond, it every way,
through unmeasurable boundless spaces; so that the earth should have Thee, the
heaven have Thee, all things have Thee, and they be bounded in Thee, and Thou
bounded nowhere. For that as the body of this air which is above the earth,
hindereth not the light of the sun from passing through it, penetrating it,
not by bursting or by cutting, but by filling it wholly: so I thought the body
not of heaven, air, and sea only, but of the earth too, previous to Thee, so
that in all its parts, the greatest as the smallest, it should admit Thy
presence, by a secret inspiration within and without, directing all things
which Thou hast created. So I guessed, only as unable to conceive aught else,
for it was false. For thus should a greater part of the earth contain a
greater portion of Thee, and a less, a lesser: and all things should in such
sort be full of Thee, that the body of an elephant should contain more of The
than that of a sparrow, by how much larger it is and takes up more room; and
thus shouldest Thou make the several portions of Thyself present unto the
several portions of the world, in fragments, large to the large, petty to the
petty. But such are not Thou. Butnot as yet hadst Thou enlightened my
darkness.
It was enough for me, Lord, to oppose to those deceived deceivers, and
dumb praters, since Thy word sounded not out of them; - that was enough which
long ago, while we were yet at Carthage, Nebridius used to propound, at which
all we that heard it were staggered: "That said nation of darkness, which the
Manichees are wont to set as an opposing mass over against Thee, what could it
have done unto Thee, hadst Thou refused to fight with it? For, if they
answered, `it would have done Thee some hurt,` then shouldest Thou be subject
to injury and corruption: but if `it could do Thee no hurt,` then was no
reason brought for Thy fighting with it; and fighting in such wise, as that a
certain portion or member of Thee, or offspring of Thy very Substance, should
be mingled with opposed powers, and natures not created by Thee, and be by
them so far corrupted and changed to the worse, as to be turned from happiness
into misery, and need assistance, whereby it might be extricated and purified;
and that this offspring of Thy Substance was the soul, which being enthralled,
defiled, corrupted, Thy Word free, pure and whole might relieve; that Word
itself being still corruptible because it was of one and the same Substance.
So then, should they affirm Thee, whatsoever Thou art, that is, Thy Substance
whereby Thou art, to be incorruptible, then were all these sayings false and
execrable; but if corruptible, the very statement showed it to be false and
revolting." This argument then of Nebridius sufficed against those who
deserved wholly to be vomited out of the overcharged stomach; for they had no
escape, without horrible blasphemy of heart and tongue, thus thinking and
speaking of Thee.
But I also as yet, although I held and was firmly persuaded that Thou our
Lord the true God, who madest not only our souls, but our bodies, and not only
our souls and bodies, but all beings, and all things wert undefilable and
unalterable, and in no degree mutable; yet understood I not, clearly and
without difficulty, the cause of evil. And yet whatever it were, I perceived
it was in such wise to be sought out, as should not constrain me to believe
the immutable God to be mutable, lest I should become that evil I was seeking
out. I sought it out then, thus far free from anxiety, certain of the untruth
of what these held, from whom I shrunk with my whole heart: for I saw, that
through enquiring the origin of evil, they were filled with evil, in that they
preferred to think that Thy substance did suffer ill than their own did commit
it.
And I strained to perceive what I now heard, that freewill was the cause
of our doing ill, and Thy just judgment of our suffering ill. But I was not
able clearly to discern it. So then endeavouring to draw my soul`s vision out
of that deep pit, I was again plunged therein, and endeavouring often, I was
plunged back as often. But this raised me a little into Thy light, that I knew
as well that I had a will, as that I lived: when then I did will or nill any
thing, I was most sure that no other than myself did will and nill: and I all
but saw that there was the cause of my sin. But what I did against my will, I
saw that I suffered rather than did, and I judged not to be my fault, but my
punishment; whereby however, holding Thee to be just, I speedily confessed
myself to be not unjustly punished. But again I said, Who made me? Did not my
God, who is not only good, but goodness itself? Whence then came I to will
evil and nill good, so that I am thus justly punished? who set this in me, and
ingrafted into me this plant of bitterness, seeing I was wholly formed by my
most sweet God? If the devil were the author, whence is that same devil? And
if he also by his own perverse will, of a good angel became a devil, whence,
again, came in him that evil will whereby he became a devil, seeing the whole
nature of angels was made by that most good Creator? By these thoughts I was
again sunk down and choked; yet not brought down to that hell of error (where
no man confesseth unto Thee), to think rather that Thou dost suffer ill, than
that man doth it. ^1
[Footnote 1: Ps. vi. 5.]
For I was in such wise striving to find out the rest, as one who had
already found that the incorruptible must needs be better than the
corruptible: and Thee therefore, whatsoever Thou wert, I confessed to be
incorruptible. For never soul was, nor shall be able to conceive any thing
which may be better than Thou, who art the sovereign and the best good. But
since most truly and certainly, the incorruptible is preferable to the
corruptible (as I did now prefer it), then, wert Thou not incorruptible, I
could in thought have arrived at something better than my God. Where then I
saw the incorruptible to be preferable to the corruptible, there ought I to
seek for Thee, and there observe "wherein evil itself was;" that is whence
corruption comes, by which Thy substance can by no means be impaired. For
corruption does no ways impair our God; by no will, by no necessity, by no
unlooked-for chance: because He is God, and what He wills is good, and
Himself is that good; but to be corrupted is not good. Nor art Thou against
Thy will constrained to any thing, since Thy will is not greater than Thy
power. But greater should it be, were Thyself greater than Thyself. For the
will and power of God is God Himself. And what can be unlooked for by Thee,
who knowest all things? Nor is there any nature in things, but Thou knowest
it. And what should we more say, "why that substance which God is should not
be corruptible," seeing if it were so, it should not be God?
And I sought "whence is evil," and sought in an evil way; and saw not the
evil in my very search. I set now before the sight of my spirit the whole
creation, whatsoever we can seen therein (as sea, earth, air, stars, trees,
mortal creatures); yea, and whatever in it we do not see, as the firmament of
heaven, all angels moreover, and all the spiritual inhabitants thereof. But
these very beings, as though they were bodies, did my fancy dispose in place,
and I made one great mass of Thy creation, distinguished as to the kinds of
bodies; some, real bodies, some, what myself had feigned for spirits. And this
mass I made huge, not as it was (which I could not know), but as I thought
convenient, yet every way finite. But The , O Lord, I imagined on every part
environing and penetrating it, though every way infinite: as if there were a
sea, every where, and on every side, through unmeasured space, one only
boundless sea, and it contained within it some sponge, huge, but bounded; that
sponge must needs, in all its parts, be filled from that unmeasurable sea: so
conceived I Thy creation, itself finite, full of Thee, the Infinite; and I
said, Behold God, and behold what God hath created; and God is good, yea, most
mightily and incomparably better than all these: but yet He, the Good, created
them good; and see how He environeth and fulfils them. Where is evil then, and
whence, and how crept it in hither? What is its root, and what its seed? Or
hath it no being? Why then fear we and avoid what is not? Or if we fear it
idly, then is that very fear evil, whereby the soul is thus idly goaded and
racked. Yea, and so much a greater evil, as we have nothing to fear, and yet
do fear. Therefore either is that evil which we fear, or else evil is, that we
fear. Whence is it then? seeing God, the Good, hath created all these things
good. He indeed, the greater and chiefest Good, hath created these lesser
goods; still both Creator and created, all are good. Whence is evil? Or, was
there some evil matter of which He made, and formed, and ordered it, yet left
something in it which He did not convert into good? Why so then? Had He no
right to turn and change the whole, so that no evil should remain in it,
seeing He is Almighty? Lastly, why should He make any thing at all of it, and
not rather by the same All-mightiness cause it not to be at all? Or, could
it then be against His will? Or if it were from eternity, why suffered He it
so to be for infinite spaces of times past, and was pleased so long after to
make something out of it? Or if He were suddenly pleased now to effect
somewhat, this rather should the All-mighty have effected, that this evil
matter should not be, and He alone be, the whole, true, sovereign, and
infinite Good. Or if it was not good that He who was good should not also
frame and create something that were good, then, that evil matter being taken
away and brought to nothing, He might form good matter, whereof to create all
things. For He should not be All-mighty, if He might not create something
good without the aid of that matter which Himself had not created. These
thoughts I revolved in my miserable heart, overcharged with most gnawing
cares, lest I should die ere I had found the truth; yet was the faith of Thy
Christ, our Lord and Saviour, professed in the Church Catholic, firmly fixed
in my earth, in many points, indeed, as yet unformed, and fluctuating from the
rule of doctrine; yet did not my mind utterly leave it, but rather daily took
in more and more of it.
By this time also had I rejected the lying divinations and impious
dotages of the astrologers. Let Thine own mercies, out of my very inmost soul,
confess unto Thee for this also, O my God. ^2 For Thou, Thou altogether (for
who else calls us back from the death of all errors, save the Life which
cannot die, and the Wisdom which needing no light enlightens the minds that
need it, whereby the universe is directed, down to the whirling leaves of
trees? Thou madest provision for my obstinacy wherewith I struggled against
Vindicianus, ^3 an acute old man, and Nebridius, a young man of admirable
talents; the first vehemently affirming, and the latter often (though with
some doubtfulness) saying, "That there was no such art whereby to foresee
things to come, but that men`s conjectures were a sort of lottery, and that
out of many things which they said should come to pass, some actually did,
unaware to them who spake it, who stumbled upon it, through their oft
speaking." Thou providest then a friend for me, no negligent consulter of the
astrologers; nor yet well skilled in those arts, but (as I said) a curious
consulter with them, and yet knowing something, which he said he had heard of
his father, which how far it went to overthrow the estimation of that art, he
knew not. This man then, Firminus by name, having had a liberal education, and
well taught in Rhetoric, consulted me, as one very dear to him, what,
according to his so-called constellations, I thought on certain affairs of
his, wherein his worldly hopes had risen, and I, who had herein now begun to
incline towards Nebridius` opinion, did not altogether refuse to conjecture,
and tell him what came into my unresolved mind: but added, that I was now
almost persuaded that these were but empty and ridiculous follies. Thereupon
he told me that his father had been very curious in such books, and had a
friend as earnest in them as himself, who with joint study and conference
fanned the flame of their affections to these toys, so that they would observe
the moments whereat the very dumb animals, which bred about their houses, gave
birth, and then observed the relative position of the heavens, thereby to make
fresh experiments in this so-called art. He said then that he had heard of his
father, that what time his mother was about to give birth to him, Firminus, a
woman-servant of that friend of his father`s was also with child, which could
not escape her master, who took care with most exact diligence to know the
births of his very puppies. And so it was that (the one for his wife, and the
other for his servant, with the most careful observation, reckoning days,
hours, nay, the lesser divisions of the hours) both were delivered at the same
instant; so that both were constrained to allow the same constellations, even
to the minutest points, the one for his son, the other for his new-born slave.
For so soon as the women began to be in labour, they each gave notice to the
other what was fallen out in their houses, and had messengers ready to send to
one another so soon as they had notice of the actual birth, of which they had
easily provided, each in his own province, to give instant intelligence. Thus
then the messengers of the respective parties met, he averred, at such an
equal distance from either house, that neither of them could make out any
difference in the position of the stars, or any other minutest points; and yet
Firminus, born in a high estate in his parents` house, ran his course through
the gilded paths of life, was increased in riches, raised to honours; whereas
that slave continued to serve his masters, without any relaxation of his yoke,
as Firminus, who knew him, told me.
[Footnote 2: Ps. cvi. 8. - Vulg.]
[Footnote 3: See Book IV., p. 50.]
Upon hearing and believing these things, told by one of such credibility,
all that my resistance gave way; and first I endeavoured to reclaim Firminus
himself from that curiosity, by telling him that upon inspecting his
constellations, I ought, if I were to predict truly, to have seen in them
parents eminent among their neighbours, a noble family in its own city, high
birth, good education, liberal learning. But if that servant had consulted me
upon the same constellations, since they were his also, I ought again (to tell
him too truly) to see in them a lineage the most abject, a slavish condition,
and every thing else utterly at variance with the former. Whence then, if I
spake the truth, I should, from the same constellations, speak diversely, or
if I spake the same, speak falsely: thence it followed most certainly that
whatever, upon consideration of the constellations, was spoken truly, was
spoken not out of art, but chance; and whatever spoken falsely, was not out of
ignorance in the art, but failure of the chance.
An opening thus made, ruminating with myself on the like things, that no
one of those dotards (who lived by such a trade, and whom I longed to attack,
and with derision to confute) might urge against me that Firminus had informed
me falsely, or his father him; I bent my thoughts on those that are born
twins, who for the most part come out of the womb so near one to other, that
the small interval (how much force soever in the nature of things folk may
pretend it to have) cannot be noted by human observation, or be at all
expressed in those figures which the astrologer is to inspect, that he may
pronounce truly. Yet they cannot be true: for looking into the same figures,
he must have predicted the same of Esau and Jacob, whereas the same happened
not to them. Therefore he must speak falsely; or if truly, then, looking into
the same figures, he must not give the same answer. Not by art, then, but by
chance, would he speak truly. For Thou, O Lord, most righteous Ruler of the
Universe, while consulters and consulted know it not, dost by Thy hidden
inspiration effect that the consulter should hear what, according to the
hidden deservings of souls, he ought to hear, out of the unsearchable depth of
Thy just judgment, to Whom let no man say, What is this? Why that? Let him not
so say, for he is man.
Now then, O my Helper, hadst thou loosed me from those fetters: and I
sought "whence is evil," and found no way. But thou sufferedst me not by any
fluctuations of thought to be carried away from the Faith whereby I believed
Thee both to be, and Thy substance to be unchangeable, and that Thou hast a
care of, and wouldest judge men, and that in Christ, Thy Son, our Lord, and
the holy Scriptures, which the authority of Thy Catholic Church pressed upon
me, Thou hadst set the way of man`s salvation, to that life which is to be
after this death. These things being safe and immovably settled in my mind, I
sought anxiously "whence was evil?" What were the pangs of my teeming heart,
what groans, O my God! yet even there were Thine ears open, and I knew it not:
and when in silence I vehemently sought, those silent contritions of my soul
were strong cries unto Thy mercy. Thou knewest what I suffered, and no man.
For, what was that which was thence through my tongue distilled into the ears
of my most familiar friends? Did the whole tumult of my soul, for which
neither time nor utterance ^4 sufficed, reach them? Yet went up the whole to
Thy hearing, all which I roared out from the groanings of my heart; and my
desire was before Thee, and the light of mine eyes was not with me: for that
was within, I without: nor was that confined to place, but I was intent on
things contained in place, but there found I no resting-place, nor did they so
receive me, that I could say, "It is enough," "it is well": nor did they yet
suffer me to turn back, where it might be well enough with me. For to these
things was I superior, but inferior to Thee; and Thou art my true joy when
subjected to Thee, and Thou hadst subjected to me what Thou createdst below
me. And this was the true temperament, and middle region of my safety, to
remain in Thy Image, and by serving Thee, rule the body. But when I rose
proudly against Thee, and ran against the Lord with my neck, with the thick
bosses of my buckler, ^5 even these inferior things were set above me, and
pressed me down, and no where was there respite or space for breathing. They
met my sight on all sides by heaps and troops, and in thought the images
thereof presented themselves unsought, as I would return to Thee, as if they
would say unto me, "Whither goest thou, unworthy and defiled?" And these
things had grown out of my wound; for Thou "humbledst the proud like one that
is wounded," ^6 and through my own swelling was I separated from Thee; yea, my
pride-swollen face closed up mine eyes.
[Footnote 4: Ps. xxxvii. 9-11. - Vulg.]
[Footnote 5: Job xv. 26.]
[Footnote 6: Ps. lxxxviii. 11. - Vulg.]
But Thou, Lord, abidest for ever, yet not for ever art Thou angry with
us; because Thou pitiest our dust and ashes and it was pleasing in Thy sight
to reform my deformities and by inward goads didst Thou rouse me, that I
should be ill at ease, until Thou wert manifested to my inward sight. Thus, by
the secret hand of Thy medicining was my swelling abated, and the troubled and
bedimmed eye-sight of my mind, by the smarting anointings of healthful
sorrows, was from day to day healed.
And Thou, willing first to show me how Thou resistest the proud, but
givest grace unto the humble, ^7 and by how great an act of Thy Mercy Thou
hadst traced out to men the way of humility, in that Thy Word was made flesh,
and dwelt among men: - Thou procuredst for me, by means of one puffed up with
most unnatural pride, certain books of the Platonists, translated from Greek
into Latin. And therein I read, not indeed in the very words, but to the very
same purpose, enforced by many and divers reasons, that In the beginning was
the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God: the Same was in the
beginning with God: all things were made by Him, and without Him was nothing
made: that which was made by Him is life, and the life was the light of men,
and the light shineth in the darkness, and the darkness comprehended it not.
^8 And that the soul of man, though it bears witness to the light, yet itself
is not that light; but the Word of God, being God, is that true light that
lighteth every man that cometh into the world. ^9 And that He was in the
world, and the world was made by Him, and the world knew Him not. ^10 But that
He came unto His own, and His own received him not; ^11 but as many as
received Him, to them gave He power to become the sons of God, as many as
believed in His name; ^12 this I read not there.
[Footnote 7: Jam. iv. 6; I Pet. v. 5.]
[Footnote 8: John i. 1-5.]
[Footnote 9: Ib. 9.]
[Footnote 10: Ib. 10.]
[Footnote 11: Ib. 11.]
[Footnote 12: Ib. 12.]
|
