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Tenth BookExamination of Confessions
Examination of Confessions
Having in the former books spoken of himself before his receiving the
grace of Baptism, in this Augustine confesses what he then was. But first, he
enquires by what faculty we can know God at all, whence he enlarges on the
mysterious character of the memory, wherein God, being made known, dwells, but
which could not discover Him. Then he examines his own trials under the triple
division of temptation, "lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes, and pride"; what
Christian continency prescribes as to each. On Christ the Only Mediator, who
heals and will heal all infirmities.
Let me know Thee, O Lord, who knowest me; let me know Thee, as I am
known. ^1 Power of my soul, enter into it, and fit it for Thee, that Thou
mayest have and hold it without spot or wrinkle. ^2 This is my hope, therefore
do I speak; ^3 and in this hope do I rejoice, when I rejoice healthfully.
Other things of this life are the less to be sorrowed for, the more they are
sorrowed for; and the more to be sorrowed for, the less men sorrow for them.
For behold, Thou lovest the truth, ^4 and he that doth it, cometh to the
light. ^5 This would I do in my heart before Thee in confession: and in my
writing, before many witnesses.
[Footnote 1: 1 Cor. xiii. 12.]
[Footnote 2: Eph. v. 27.]
[Footnote 3: Ps. cxvi. 10.]
[Footnote 4: Ps. li. 6.]
[Footnote 5: John iii. 20.]
And from Thee, O Lord, unto whose eyes ^6 the abyss of man`s conscience
is naked, what could be hidden in me though I would not confess it? For I
should hide Thee from me, not me from Thee. But now, for that my groaning is
witness, that I am displeased with myself, Thou shinest out, and art pleasing,
and beloved, and longed for; that I may be ashamed of myself, and renounce
myself, and choose Thee, and neither please Thee nor myself, but in Thee. To
Thee therefore, O Lord, am I open, whatever I am; and with what fruit I
confess unto Thee, I have said. Nor do I it with words and sounds of the
flesh, but with the words of my soul, and the cry of the thought which Thy ear
knoweth. For when I am evil, then to confess to Thee is nothing else than to
be displeased with myself; but when holy, nothing else than not to ascribe it
to myself: because Thou, O Lord, blessest the godly, ^7 but first Thou
justifiest him when ungodly. ^8 My confession then, O my God, in Thy sight, is
made silently, and not silently. For in sound, it is silent; in affection, it
cries aloud. For neither do I utter any thing right unto men, which Thou hast
not before heard from me; nor dost Thou hear any such thing from me, which
Thou hast not first said unto me.
[Footnote 6: Heb. iv. 13.]
[Footnote 7: Ps. v. 12.]
[Footnote 8: Rom. iv. 5.]
What then have I to do with men, that they should hear my confessions -
as if they could heal all my infirmities ^9 - a race, curious to know the
lives of others, slothful to amend their own? Why seek they to hear from me
what I am; who will not hear from Thee what themselves are? And how know they,
when from myself they hear of myself, whether I say true; seeing no man knows
what is in man, but the spirit of man which is in him? ^10 But if they hear
from Thee of themselves, they cannot say, "The Lord lieth." For what is it to
hear from Thee of themselves, but to know themselves? and who knoweth and
saith, "It is false," unless himself lieth? But because charity believeth all
things ^11 (that is, among those whom knitting unto itself it maketh one), I
also, O Lord, will in such wise confess unto Thee, that men may hear, to whom
I cannot demonstrate whether I confess truly; yet they believe me, whose ears
charity openeth unto me.
[Footnote 9: Ps. ciii. 3.]
[Footnote 10: 1 Cor. ii. 11.]
[Footnote 11: Ibid. xiii. 7.]
But do Thou, my inmost Physician, make plain unto me what object I may
gain by doing it. For the confessions of my past sins, which Thou hast
forgiven and covered, ^12 that Thou mightest bless me in Thee, changing my
soul by Faith and Thy Sacrament, when read and heard, stir up the heart, that
it sleep not in despair and say "I cannot," but awake in the love of Thy mercy
and the sweetness of Thy grace, whereby whoso is weak, is strong, when by it
he became conscious of his own weakness. And the good delight to hear of the
past evils of such as are now freed from them, not because they are evils, but
because they have been and are not. With what object, then, O Lord my God, to
Whom my conscience daily confesseth, trusting more in the hope of Thy mercy
than in her own innocency, with what object, I pray, do I by this book confess
to men also in Thy presence what I now am, not what I have been? For that
other object I have seen and spoken of. But what I now am, at the very time of
making these confessions, divers desire to know, who have or have not known
me, who have heard from me or of me; but their ear is not at my heart, where I
am, whatever I am. They wish then to hear me confess what I am within; whither
neither their eye, nor ear, nor understanding can reach; they wish it, as
ready to believe - but will they know? For charity, whereby they are good,
telleth them that in my confessions I lie not; and she in them, believeth me.
[Footnote 12: Ps. xxxii. 1.]
But for what object would they hear this? Do they desire to joy with me,
when they hear how near, by Thy gift, I approach unto Thee? and to pray for
me, when they shall hear how much I am held back by my own weight? To such
will I discover myself. For it is no mean object, O Lord my God, that by many
thanks should be given to Thee on our behalf, ^13 and Thou be by many
entreated for us. Let the brotherly mind love in me what Thou teachest is to
be loved, and lament in me what Thou teachest is to be lamented. Let a
brotherly, not a stranger, mind, not that of the strange children, whose mouth
talketh of vanity, and their right hand is a right hand of iniquity, ^14 but
that brotherly mind which when it approveth rejoiceth for me, and when it
disapproveth me, is sorry for me; because whether it approveth or
disapproveth, it loveth me. To such will I discover myself: they will breathe
freely at my good deeds, sigh for my ill. My good deeds are Thine appointments
and Thy gifts; my evil ones are my offences, and Thy judgments. Let them
breathe freely at the one, sigh at the other; and let hymns and weeping go up
into Thy sight out of the hearts of my brethren, Thy censers. ^15 And do Thou,
O Lord, be pleased with the incense of Thy holy temple, have mercy upon me
according to Thy great mercy for Thine own name`s sake; ^16 and no ways
forsaking what Thou hast begun, perfect my imperfections.
[Footnote 13: 1 Cor. ii. 11.]
[Footnote 14: Ps. cxliv. 11.]
[Footnote 15: Rev. viii. 3.]
[Footnote 16: Ps. li. 1.]
This is the object of my confessions of what I am, not of what I have
been, to confess this, not before Thee only, in a secret exultation with
trembling, ^17 and a secret sorrow with hope; but in the ears also of the
believing sons of men, sharers of my joy, and partners in my mortality, my
fellow-citizens, and fellow-pilgrims, who are gone before, or are to follow
on, companions of my way. These are Thy servants, my brethren, whom Thou
willest to be Thy sons; my masters, whom Thou commandest me to serve, if I
would live with Thee, of Thee. But this Thy Word were little, did it only
command by speaking and not go before in performing. This then I do in deed
and word, this I do under Thy wings; in over great peril, were not my soul
subdued unto Thee under Thy wings, and my infirmity known unto Thee. I am a
little one, but my Father ever liveth, and my Guardian is sufficient for me.
For he is the same who begat me, and defends me: and Thou Thyself art all my
good; Thou, Almighty, Who art with me, yea, before I am with Thee. To such
then whom Thou commandest me to serve will I discover, not what I have been,
but what I now am and what I yet am. But neither do I judge myself. ^18 Thus
therefore I would be heard.
[Footnote 17: Ps. ii. 11.]
[Footnote 18: 1 Cor. iv. 3.]
For Thou, Lord, dost judge me: ^19 because, although no man knoweth the
things of a man, but the spirit of a man which is in him, yet is there
something of man, which neither the spirit of man that is in him, itself
knoweth. ^20 But Thou, Lord, knowest all of him, Who hast made him. Yet I,
though in Thy sight I despise myself, and account myself dust and ashes; yet
know I something of Thee, which I know not of myself. And truly, now we see
through a glass darkly, not face to face ^21 as yet. So long therefore as I be
absent from Thee, ^22 I am more present with myself than with Thee, and yet
know I Thee that Thou art in no ways passible; but I, what temptations I can
resist, what I cannot, I know not. And there is hope, because Thou art
faithful, Who wilt not suffer us to be tempted above that we are able; but
wilt with the temptation also make a way to escape, that we may be able to
bear it. ^23 I will confess then what I know of myself, I will confess also
what I know not of myself. And that because what I do know of myself, I know
by Thy shining upon me; and what I know not of myself, so long know I not it,
until my darkness be made as the noon-day ^24 in Thy countenance.
[Footnote 19: Ibid.]
[Footnote 20: Ibid. ii. 11.]
[Footnote 21: Ibid. xiii. 12.]
[Footnote 22: 2 Cor. v. 6.]
[Footnote 23: 1 Cor. x. 3.]
[Footnote 24: Isa. lviii. 10.]
Not with doubting, but with assured consciousness, do I love Thee, Lord.
Thou hast stricken my heart with Thy word, and I loved Thee. Yea also heaven
and earth, and all that therein is, behold on every side they bid me love
Thee; nor cease to say so unto all, that they may be without excuse. But more
deeply wilt Thou have mercy on whom Thou wilt have mercy, and wilt have
compassion on whom Thou hast had compassion: ^25 else in deaf ears do the
heaven and the earth speak Thy praises. But what do I love, when I love Thee?
not beauty of bodies, nor the fair harmony of time, nor the brightness of the
light, so gladsome to our eyes, nor sweet melodies of varied songs, nor the
fragrant smell of flowers, and ointments, and spices, not manna and honey, not
limbs acceptable to embracements of flesh. None of these I love, when I love
my God; and yet I love a kind of light, and melody, and fragrance, and meat,
and embracement when I love my God, the light, melody, fragrance, meat,
embracement of my inner man: where there shineth unto my soul what space
cannot contain and there soundeth what time beareth not away, and there
smelleth what breathing disperseth not, and there tasteth what eating
diminisheth not, and there clingeth what satiety divorceth not. This is it
which I love when I love my God.
[Footnote 25: Rom. i. 20; ix. 15.]
And what is this? I asked the earth, and it answered me, "I am not He;"
and whatsoever are in it confessed the same. I asked the sea and the deeps,
and the living creeping things, and they answered, "We are not Thy God, seek
above us." I asked the moving air; and the whole air with his inhabitants
answered, "Anaximenes was deceived, I am not God." I asked the heavens, sun,
moon, stars, "Nor (say they) are we the God whom thou seekest." And I replied
unto all the things which encompass the door of my flesh: "Ye have told me of
my God, that ye are not He; tell me something of Him." And they cried out with
a loud voice, "He made us." My questioning them, was my thoughts on them: and
their form of beauty gave the answer. And I turned myself unto myself, and
said to myself, "Who art thou?" And I answered, "A man." And behold, in me
there present themselves to me soul, and body, one without, the other within.
By which of these ought I to seek my God? I had sought Him in the body from
earth to heaven, so far as I could send messengers, the beams of mine eyes.
But the better is the inner, for to it as presiding and judging, all the
bodily messengers reported the answers of heaven and earth, and all things
therein, who said, "We are not God, but He made us." These things did my inner
man know by the ministry of the outer: I the inner knew them; I, the mind,
through the senses of my body. I asked the whole frame of the world about my
God; and it answered me, "I am not He, but He made me."
Is not this corporeal figure apparent to all whose senses are perfect?
why then speaks it not the same to all? Animals small and great see it, but
they cannot ask it: because no reason is set over their senses to judge on
what they report. But men can ask, so that the invisible things of God are
clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made; ^26 but by love of
them, th y are made subject unto them: and subjects cannot judge. Nor yet do
the creatures answer such as ask, unless they can judge: nor yet do they
change their voice (i.e., their appearance), if one man only sees, another
seeing asks, so as to appear one way to this man, another way to that; but
appearing the same way to both, it is dumb to this, speaks to that; yea rather
it speaks to all; but they only understand, who compare its voice received
from without, with the truth within. For truth saith unto me, "Neither heaven,
nor earth, nor any other body is thy God." This, their very nature saith to
him that seeth them: "They are a mass; a mass is less in a part thereof than
in the whole." Now to thee I speak, O my soul, thou art my better part: for
thou quickenest the mass of my body, giving it life, which no body can give to
a body: but thy God is even unto thee the Life of thy life.
[Footnote 26: Rom. i. 20.]
What then do I love, when I love my God? who is He above the head of my
soul? By my very soul will I ascend to Him. I will pass beyond that power
whereby I am united to my body, and fill its whole frame with life. Nor can I
by that power find my God; for so horse and mule that have no understanding,
^27 might find Him; seeing it is the same power, whereby even their bodies
live. But another power there is, not that only whereby I animate, but that
too whereby I imbue with sense my flesh, which the Lord hath framed for me:
commanding the eye not to hear, and the ear not to se ; but the eye, that
through it I should see, and the ear, that through it I should hear; and to
the other senses severally, what is to each their own peculiar seats and
offices; which, being divers, I the one mind, do through them enact. I will
pass beyond this power of mine also; for this also have the horse and mule,
for they also perceive through the body.
[Footnote 27": Ps. xxxii. 9. ]
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