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Tenth BookConclusion
Conclusion
Thus then have I considered the sicknesses of my sins in that threefold
concupiscence, and have called Thy right hand to my help. For with a wounded
heart have I beheld Thy brightness, and stricken back I said, "Who can attain
thither? I am cast away from the sight of Thine eyes." ^103 Thou art the Truth
who presidest over all, but I through my covetousness would not indeed forego
Thee, but would with Thee possess a lie; as no man would in such wise speak
falsely, as himself to be ignorant of the truth. So then I lost Thee, because
Thou vouchsafest not to be possessed with a lie.
[Footnote 103: Ps. xxxi. 22.]
Whom could I find to reconcile me to Thee? was I to have recourse to
Angels? by what prayers, by what sacraments? Many endeavouring to return unto
Thee, and of themselves unable, have, as I hear, tried this, and fallen into
the desire of curious visions, and been accounted worthy to be deluded. For
they, being high minded, sought Thee by the pride of learning, swelling out
rather than smiting upon their breasts, and so by the agreement of their
heart, drew unto themselves the princes of the air, ^104 the fellow -
conspirators of their pride, by whom, through magical influences, they were
deceived, seeking a mediator, by whom they might be purged, and there was
none. For the devil it was, transforming himself into an Angel of light. ^105
And it much enticed proud flesh, that he had no body of flesh. For they were
mortal, and sinners; but Thou, Lord, to whom they proudly sought to be
reconciled, art immortal, and without sin. But, a mediator between God and man
must have something like to God, something like to men; lest being in both
like to man, he should be far from God: or if in both like God, too unlike
man: and so not be a mediator. That deceitful mediator then, by whom in Thy
secret judgments pride deserved to be deluded, hath one thing in common with
man, that is sin; another he would seem to have in common with God; and not
being clothed with the mortality of flesh, would vaunt himself to be immortal.
But since the wages of sin is death, ^106 this hath he in common with men,
that with them he should be condemned to death.
[Footnote 104: Eph. ii. 2.]
[Footnote 105: 2 Cor. xi. 14.]
[Footnote 106: Rom. vi. 20.]
But the true Mediator, Whom in Thy secret mercy Thou hast showed to the
humble, and sentest, that by His example also they might learn that same
humility, that Mediator between God and man, the Man Christ Jesus, ^107
appeared betwixt mortal sinners and the immortal Just One; mortal with men,
just with God: that because the wages of righteousness is life and peace, He
might by a righteousness conjoined with God make void that death of sinners,
now made righteous, which He willed to have in common with them. Hence He was
showed forth to holy men of old; that so they, through faith in His Passion to
come, as we through faith of it passed, might be saved. For as Man, He was a
Mediator; but as the Word, not in the middle between God and man, because
equal to God, and God with God, and together one God.
[Footnote 107: 1 Tim. ii. 5.]
How hast Thou loved us, good Father, who sparedst not Thine only Son, but
deliveredst Him up for us ungodly.! ^108 How hast Thou loved us, for whom He
that thought it no robbery to be equal with Thee, was made subject even to the
death of the cross, ^109 He alone, free among the dead, ^110 having power to
lay down his life, and power to take it again ^111 for us to Thee both Victor
and Victim, and therefore Victor, because the Victim; for us to Thee Priest
and Sacrifice, and therefore Priest because the Sacrifice; making us to Thee,
of servants, sons, by being born of Thee, and serving us. Well then is my hope
strong in Him, that Thou wilt heal all my infirmities, ^112 by Him Who sitteth
at Thy right hand and maketh intercession for us, ^113 else should I despair.
For many and great are my infirmities, many they are, and great; but Thy
medicine is mightier. We might imagine that Thy Word was far from any union
with man, and despair of ourselves, unless He had been made flesh and dwelt
among us. ^114
[Footnote 108: Room. viii. 32.]
[Footnote 109: Phil. ii. 6, 8.]
[Footnote 110: Ps. lxxxviii. 5.]
[Footnote 111: John x. 18.]
[Footnote 112: Ps. cii. 3.]
[Footnote 113: Rom. viii. 34.]
[Footnote 114: John i. 12.]
Affrighted with my sins and the burden of my misery, I had cast in my
heart, and had purposed to flee to the wilderness. ^115 But Thou forbadest me,
and strengthenedst me, saying, Therefore Christ died for all, that they which
live may now no longer live unto themselves, but unto Him that died for them.
^116 See, Lord, I cast my care upon Thee ^117 that I may live, and consider
wondrous things out of Thy law. ^118 Thou knowest my unskillfulness, and my
infirmities; teach me, and heal me. He Thine only Son, in Whom are hid all the
treasures of wisdom and knowledge, ^119 hath redeemed me with His blood. Let
not the proud speak evil of me; ^120 because I meditate on my Ransom, and eat
and drink, and communicate it; and poor, desired to be satisfied from Him,
amongst those that eat and are satisfied, and they shall praise the Lord who
seek Him. ^121
[Footnote 115: Ps. lv. 7.]
[Footnote 116: 2 Cor. v. 15.]
[Footnote 117: Ps. lv. 22.]
[Footnote 118: Ps. cxix. 18.]
[Footnote 119: Col. ii. 3.]
[Footnote 120: Ps. cxix. 122. - Vulg.]
[Footnote 121: Ps. xxii. 26.]
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