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Third BookThird Book
Third Book
Led astray to the Manichaeans.
So in acts of violence, where there is a wish to hurt, whether by
reproach or injury; and these either for revenge, as one enemy against
another; or for some profit belonging to another, as the robber to the
traveller; or to avoid some evil, as towards one who is feared; or through
envy, as one less fortunate to one more so, or one well thriven in any thing,
to him whose being on a par with himself he fears, or grieves at, or for the
mere pleasure at another`s pain, as spectators of gladiators, or deriders and
mockers of others. These be the heads of iniquity, which spring from the lust
of the flesh, of the eye, ^15 or of rule, either singly, or two combined, or
all together; and so do men live ill against the three, and seven, that
psaltery of ten strings, ^16 Thy Ten Commandments, O God, most high, and most
sweet. But what foul offences can there be against Thee, who canst not be
defiled? or what acts of violence against Thee, who canst not be harmed? But
Thou avengest what men commit against themselves, seeing also when they sin
against Thee, they do wickedly against their own souls, and iniquity gives
itself the lie, ^17 by corrupting and perverting their nature, which Thou hast
created and ordained, or by an immoderate use of things allowed, or in burning
in things unallowed, to that use which is against nature; ^18 or are found
guilty, raging with heart and tongue against Thee, kicking against the pricks;
^19 or when, bursting the pale of human society, they boldly joy in
self-willed combinations or divisions, according as they have any object to
gain or subject of offence. And these things are done when Thou art forsaken,
O Fountain of Life, who art the only and true Creator and Governor of the
Universe, and by a self-willed pride, any one false thing is selected
therefrom and loved. So then by a humble devoutness we return to Thee; and
Thou cleansest us from our evil habits, and art merciful to their sins who
confess, and hearest the groaning of the prisoner, ^20 and loosest us from the
chains which we made for ourselves, if we lift not up against Thee the horns
of an unreal liberty, suffering the loss of all through covetousness of more,
by loving more our own private good than Thee, the Good of all.
[Footnote 15: I John ii. 16.]
[Footnote 16: Ps. cxliv. 9.]
[Footnote 17: Ps. xxvi. 12. - Vulg.]
[Footnote 18: Rom. i.]
[Footnote 19: Acts ix. 5.]
[Footnote 20: Ps. cii. 20.]
Amidst these offences of foulness and violence, and so many iniquities,
are sins of men, who are on the whole making proficiency; which by those that
judge rightly, are, after the rule of perfection, discommended, yet the
persons commended, upon hope of future fruit, as in the green blade of growing
corn. And there are some, resembling offences of foulness or violence, which
yet are no sins; because they offend neither Thee, our Lord God, nor human
society; when, namely, things fitting for a given period are obtained for the
service of life, and we know not whether out of a lust of having; or when
things are, for the sake of correction, by constituted authority punished, and
we know not whether out of a lust of hurting. Many an action then which in
men`s sight is disapproved, is by Thy testimony approved; and many, by men
praised are (Thou being witness) condemned: because the show of the action,
and the mind of the doer, and the unknown exigency of the period, severally
vary. But when Thou on a sudden commandest an unwonted and unthought of thing,
yea, although Thou hast sometime forbidden it, and still for the time hidest
the reason of Thy command, and it be against the ordinance of some society of
men, who doubts but it is to be done, seeing that society of men is just which
serves Thee? But blessed are they who know Thy commands! For all things were
done by Thy servants; either to show forth something needful for the present,
or to foreshow things to come.
These things I being ignorant of, scoffed at those Thy holy servants and
prophets. And what gained I by scoffing at them, but to be scoffed at by Thee,
being insensibly and step by step drawn on to those follies, as to believe
that a fig-tree wept when it was plucked, and the tree, its mother, shed
milky tears? Which fig notwithstanding (plucked by some other`s, not his own,
guilt) had some (Manichaean) saint eaten, and mingled with his bowels, he
should breathe out of its angels, yea, there shall burst forth particles of
divinity, at every moan or groan in his prayer, which particles of the most
high and true God had remained bound in that fig, unless they had been set at
liberty by the teeth or belly of some "Elect" saint! And I, miserable,
believed that more mercy was to be shown to the fruits of the earth than men,
for whom they were created. For if any one an hungered, not a Manichaean,
should ask for any, that morsel would seem as it were condemned to capital
punishment, which should be given him.
And Thou sentest Thine hand from above, ^21 and drewest my soul out of
that profound darkness, my mother, thy faithful one, weeping to Thee for me,
more than mothers weep the bodily deaths of their children. For she, by that
faith and spirit which she had from Thee, discerned the death wherein I lay,
and Thou heardest her, O Lord; Thou heardest her, and despisedst not her
tears, when streaming down, they watered the ground under her eyes in every
place where she prayed, yea Thou heardest her. For whence was that dream
whereby Thou comfortedst her; so that she allowed me to live with her, and to
eat at the same table in the house, which she had begun to shrink from,
abhorring and detesting the blasphemies of my error? For she saw herself
standing on a certain wooden rule, and a shining youth coming towards her,
cheerful and smiling upon her, herself grieving, and overwhelmed with grief.
But he having (in order to instruct, as is their wont not to be instructed)
enquired of her the causes of her grief and daily tears, and she answering
that she was bewailing my perdition, he bade her rest contented, and told her
to look and observe, "That where she was, there was I also." And when she
looked, she saw me standing by her in the same rule. Whence was this, but that
Thine ears were towards her heart? O Thou Good omnipotent, who so carest for
every one of us, as if Thou caredst for him only; and so for all, as if they
were but one!
[Footnote 21: Ps. cxliv. 7.]
Whence was this also, that when she had told me this vision, and I would
fain bend it to mean, "That she rather should not despair of being one day
what I was;" she presently, without any hesitation, replies: "No; for it was
not told me that, `where he, there thou also;` but `where thou, there he
also`"? I confess to Thee, O Lord, that to the best of my remembrance (and I
have oft spoken of this), that Thy answer, through my waking mother, - that
she was not perplexed by the plausibility of my false interpretation, and so
quickly saw what was to be seen, and which I certainly had not perceived
before she spake, - even then moved me more than the dream itself, by which a
joy to the holy woman, to be fulfilled so long after, was, for the consolation
of her present anguish, so long before foresignified. For almost nine years
passed, in which I wallowed in the mire of that deep pit, and the darkness of
falsehood, often assaying to rise, but dashed down the more grievously. All
which time that chaste, godly and sober widow (such as Thou lovest), now more
cheered with hope, yet no whit relaxing in her weeping and mourning, ceased
not at all hours of her devotions to bewail my case unto Thee. And her prayers
entered into Thy presence; ^22 and yet Thou sufferest me to be yet involved
and reinvolved in that darkness.
[Footnote 22: Ps. lxxxviii. 1.]
Thou gavest her meantime another answer, which I call to mind; for much I
pass by, hasting to those things which more press me to confess unto Thee, and
much I do not remember. Thou gavest her then another answer, by a Priest of
Thine, a certain Bishop brought up in Thy Church, and well studied in Thy
books. Whom when this woman had entreated to vouchsafe to converse with me,
refute my errors, unteach me ill things, and teach me good things (for this he
was wont to do, when he found persons fitted to receive it), he refused,
wisely, as I afterwards perceived. For he answered, that I was yet
unteachable, being puffed up with the novelty of that heresy, and had already
perplexed divers unskillful persons with captious questions, as she had told
him: "but let him alone a while" (saith he), "only pray God for him, he will
of himself by reading find what that error is, and how great its impiety." At
the same time he told her, how himself, when a little one, had by his seduced
mother been consigned over to the Manichees, and had not only read, but
frequently copied out almost all, their books, and had (without any argument
or proof from any one) seen how much that sect was to be avoided; and had
avoided it. Which when he had said, and she would not be satisfied, but urged
him more, with entreaties and many tears, that he would see me and discourse
with me; he, a little displeased at her importunity, saith, "Go thy ways, and
God bless thee, for it is not possible that the son of these tears should
perish." Which answer she took (as she often mentioned in her conversations
with me) as if it had sounded from Heaven.
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