|
Fifth BookLife From Age Twenty-Nine
Life From Age Twenty-Nine
St. Augustine`s twenty-ninth year. Faustus, a snare of Satan to many,
made an instrument of deliverance to St. Augustine, by showing the ignorance
of the Manichees on those things wherein they professed to have divine
knowledge. Augustine gives up all thought of going further among the
Manichees: is guided to Rome and Milan, where he hears St. Ambrose, leaves the
Manichees, and becomes again a Catechumen in the Church Catholic.
Accept the sacrifice of my confessions from the ministry of my tongue,
which Thou hast formed and stirred up to confess unto Thy name. Heal Thou all
my bones, and let them say, O Lord, who is like unto Thee? ^1 For he who
confesses to Thee doth not teach Thee what takes place within him; seeing a
closed heart closes not out Thy eye, nor can man`s hard-heartedness thrust
back Thy hand: for Thou dissolvest it at Thy will in pity or in vengeance, and
nothing can hide itself from Thy heat. ^2 But let my soul praise Thee, that it
may love Thee; and let it confess Thy own mercies to Thee, that it may praise
Thee. Thy whole creation ceaseth not, nor is silent in Thy praises; neither
the spirit of man with voice directed unto Thee, nor creation animate or
inanimate, by the voice of those who meditate thereon: that so our souls may
from their weariness arise towards Thee, leaning on those things which Thou
hast created, and passing on to Thyself, who madest them wonderfully; and
there is refreshment and true strength.
[Footnote 1: Ps. xxxv. 20.]
[Footnote 2: Ps. xix. 6.]
Let the restless, the godless, depart and flee from Thee; yet Thou seest
them, and dividest the darkness. And behold, the universe with them is fair,
though they are foul. And how have they injured Thee? or how have they
disgraced Thy government, which, from the heaven to this lowest earth, is just
and perfect? For whither fled they, when they fled from Thy presence? ^3 or
where dost not Thou find them? But they fled, that they might not see Thee
seeing them, and, blinded, might stumble against Thee ^4 (because Thou
forsakest nothing Thou hast made ^5); that the unjust, I say, might stumble
upon Thee, and justly be hurt; withdrawing themselves from thy gentleness, and
stumbling at Thy uprightness, and falling upon their own ruggedness. Ignorant,
in truth, that Thou art every where, Whom no place encompasseth! and Thou
alone art near, even to those that remove far from Thee. ^6 Let them then be
turned, and seek Thee; because not as they have forsaken their Creator, hast
Thou forsaken Thy creation. Let them be turned and seek Thee; and behold, Thou
art there in their heart, in the heart of those that confess to Thee, and cast
themselves upon Thee, and weep in Thy bosom, after all their rugged ways. Then
dost Thou gently wipe away their tears, and they weep the more, and joy in
weeping; even for that Thou, Lord, - not man of flesh and blood, but - Thou,
Lord, who madest them, re-makest and comfortest them. But where was I, when I
was seeking Thee? And Thou wert before me, but I had gone away from Thee; nor
did I find myself, how much less Thee!
[Footnote 3: Ps. cxxxix. 7.]
[Footnote 4: Gen. xvi. 14.]
[Footnote 5: Wisd. xi. 25, old vers.]
[Footnote 6: Ps. lxxiii. 27.]
I would lay open before my God that nine-and-twentieth year of mine age.
There had then come to Carthage a certain Bishop of the Manichees, Faustus by
name, a great snare of the Devil, and many were entangled by him through that
lure of his smooth language: which though I did commend, yet could I separate
from the truth of the things which I was earnest to learn: nor do I so much
regard the service of oratory as the science which this Faustus, so praised
among them, set before me to feed upon. Fame had before be - spoken him most
knowing in all valuable learning, and exquisitely skilled in the liberal
sciences. And since I had read and well remembered much of the philosophers, I
compared some things of theirs with those long fables of the Manichees, and
found the former the more probable; even although they could only prevail so
far as to make judgment of this lower world, the Lord of it they could by no
means find out. ^7 For Thou art great, O Lord, and hast respect unto the
humble, but the proud Thou beholdest afar off. ^8 Nor dost thou draw near, but
to the contrite in heart, ^9 nor art found by the proud, no, not though by
curious skill they could number the stars and the sand, and measure the starry
heavens, and track the courses of the planets.
[Footnote 7: Wisd. xiii. 9.]
[Footnote 8: Ps. cxxxviii. 6.]
[Footnote 9: Ps. xxxiv. 18.]
For with their understanding and wit, which Thou bestowedst on them, they
search out these things; and much have they found out; and foretold, many
years before, eclipses of those luminaries, the sun and moon, - what day and
hour, and how many digits, - nor did their calculation fail; and it came to
pass as they foretold; and they wrote down the rules they had found out, and
these are read at this day, and out of them do others foretell in what year
and month of the year, and what day of the month, and what hour of the day,
and what part of its light, moon or sun is to be eclipsed and so it shall be,
as it is foreshowed. At these things men, that know not this art, marvel and
are astonished, and they that know it, exult, and are puffed up; and by an
ungodly pride departing from Thee, and failing of Thy light, they foresee a
failure of the sun`s light, which shall be, so long before, but see not their
own, which is. For they search not religiously whence they have the wit,
wherewith they search out this. And finding that Thou madest them, they give
not themselves up to Thee, to preserve what Thou madest, nor sacrifice to Thee
what they have made themselves; nor slay their own soaring imaginations, as
fowls of the air, nor their own diving curiosities (wherewith, like the fishes
of the sea ^10 they wander over the unknown paths of the abyss), nor their own
luxuriousness, as beasts of the field, that Thou, Lord, a consuming fire, ^11
mayest burn up those dead cares of theirs, and recreate themselves immortally.
[Footnote 10: Ps. viii. 7, 8.]
[Footnote 11: Deut. iv. 24.]
But they knew not the way, Thy Word, ^12 by Whom Thou madest these things
which they number, and themselves who number, and the sense whereby they
perceive what they number, and the understanding, out of which they number; or
that of Thy wisdom there is no number. ^13 But the Only Begotten is Himself
made unto us wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, ^14 and was
numbered among us, and paid tribute unto Caesar ^15 They knew not this Way
whereby to descend to Him from themselves, and by Him ascend unto Him. They
knew not this way, and deemed themselves exalted amongst the stars and
shining; and behold, they fell upon the earth, and their foolish heart was
darkened ^16 They discourse many things truly concerning the creature; but
Truth, Artificer of the creature, they seek not piously, and therefore find
him not; or if they find him, knowing Him to be God, they glorify Him not as
God, neither are thankful, but become vain in their imaginations, and profess
themselves to be wise, ^17 attributing to themselves what is Thine; and
thereby with most perverse blindness, study to impute to Thee what is their
own, forging lies of Thee who art the Truth, and changing the glory of the
uncorruptible God into an image made like corruptible man, and to birds, and
four-footed beasts, and creeping things, changing Thy truth into a lie, and
worshipping and serving the creature more than the Creator. ^18
[Footnote 12: John i. 3.]
[Footnote 13: Ps. cxlvii. 5.]
[Footnote 14: I Cor. i. 30.]
[Footnote 15: Matt. xvii. 27.]
[Footnote 16: Is. xiv. 13; Rev. xii. 4; Rom. i. 21.]
[Footnote 17: Rom. i. 21.]
[Footnote 18: Rom. i. 23.]
Yet many truths concerning the creature retained I from these men, and
saw the reason thereof from calculations, the succession of times, and the
visible testimonies of the stars; and compared them with the saying of
Manichaeus, which in his frenzy he had written most largely on these subjects;
but discovered not any account of the solstices, or equinoxes, or the eclipses
of the greater lights, nor whatever of this sort I had learned in the books of
secular philosophy. But I was commanded to believe; and yet it corresponded
not with what had been established by calculations and my own sight, but was
quite contrary.
Doth then, O Lord God of Truth, whoso knoweth these things, therefore
please Thee? Surely unhappy is he who knoweth all these, and knoweth not Thee:
but happy whoso knoweth Thee, though he know not these. And whoso knoweth both
Thee and them is not the happier for them, but for Thee only, if, knowing
Thee, he glorifies Thee as God, and is thankful, and becomes not vain in his
imaginations. ^19 For as he is better off who knows how to possess a tree, and
return thanks to Thee for the use thereof, although he know not how many
cubits high it is, or how wide it spreads, than he that can measure it, and
count all its boughs, and neither owns it, nor knows or loves its Creator; so
a believer, whose all this world of wealth is, and who having nothing, yet
possesseth all things, ^20 by cleaving unto Thee, whom all things serve,
though he know not even the circles of the Great Bear, yet is it folly to
doubt but he is in a better state than one who can measure the heavens, and
number the stars, and poise the elements, yet neglecteth Thee who hast made
all things in number, weight, and measure. ^21
[Footnote 19: Rom. i. 21.]
[Footnote 20: Cor. vi. 10.]
[Footnote 21: Wisd. xi. 20.]
But yet who bade that Manichaeus write on these things also, skill in
which was no element of piety? For Thou hast said to man, Behold piety and
wisdom, ^22 of which he might be ignorant, though he had perfect knowledge of
these things; but these things, since, knowing not, he most impudently dared
to teach, he plainly could have no knowledge of piety. For it is vanity to
make profession of these worldly things even when known; but confession to
Thee is piety. Wherefore this wanderer to this end spake much of these things,
that convicted by those who had truly learned them, it might be manifest what
understanding he had in the other abstruser things. For he would not have
himself meanly thought of, but went about to persuade men, "That the Holy
Ghost, the Comforter and Enricher of Thy faithful ones, was with plenary
authority personally within him." When then he was found out to have taught
falsely of the heaven and stars, and of the motions of the sun and moon
(although these things pertain not to the doctrine of religion), yet his
sacrilegious presumption would become evident enough, seeing he delivered
things which not only he knew not, but which were falsified, with so mad a
vanity of pride, that he sought to ascribe them to himself, as to a divine
person.
[Footnote 22: Job. xxviii. 28. LXX.]
For when I hear my Christian brother ignorant of these things, and
mistaken on them, I can patiently behold such a man holding his opinion; nor
do I see that any ignorance as to the position or character of the corporeal
creation can injure him, so long as he doth not believe any thing unworthy of
Thee, O Lord, the Creator of all. But it doth injure him, if he imagine it to
pertain to the form of the doctrine of piety, and will yet affirm that too
stiffly whereof he is ignorant. And yet is even such an infirmity, in the
infancy of faith, borne by our mother Charity, till the newborn may grow up
unto a perfect man, so as not to be carried about with every wind of doctrine.
^23 But in him who in such wise presumed to be the teacher, source, guide,
chief of all whom he could so persuade, that whoso followed him thought that
he followed, not a mere man, but Thy Holy Spirit; who would not judge that so
great madness, when once convicted of having taught any thing false, were to
be detested and utterly rejected? But I had not as yet clearly ascertained
whether the vicissitudes of longer and shorter days and nights, and of day and
night itself, with the eclipses of the greater lights, and whatever else of
the kind I had read of in other books, might be explained consistently with
his sayings; so that, if they by any means might, it should remain a question
to me whether it were so or no; but I might, on account of his reputed
sanctity, rest my credence upon his authority.
[Footnote 23: Eph. iv. 13, 14.]
And for almost all those nine years, wherein with unsettled mind I had
been their disciple, I had longed but too intensely for the coming of this
Faustus. For the rest of the sect, whom by chance I had lighted upon, when
unable to solve my objections about these things, still held out to me the
coming of this Faustus, by conference with whom these and greater
difficulties, if I had them, were to be most readily and abundantly cleared.
When then he came, I found him a man of pleasing discourse, and who could
speak fluently and in better terms, yet still but the self-same things which
they were wont to say. But what availed the utmost neatness of the cup -
bearer to my thirst for a more precious draught? Mine ears were already cloyed
with the like, nor did they seem to me therefore better, because better said;
or therefore true, because eloquent; nor the soul therefore wise, because the
face was comely, and the language graceful. But they who held him out to me
were no good judges of things; and therefore to them he appeared understanding
and wise, because in words pleasing. I felt however that another sort of
people were suspicious even of truth, and refused to assent to it, if
delivered in a smooth and copious discourse. But Thou, O my God, hadst already
taught me by wonderful and secret ways, and therefore I believe that Thou
taughtest me, because it is truth, nor is there besides Thee any teacher of
truth, where or whencesoever it may shine upon us. Of Thyself therefore had I
now learned, that neither ought any thing to seem to be spoken truly, because
eloquently; nor therefore falsely, because the utterance of the lips is
inharmonious; nor, again, therefore true, because rudely delivered; or
therefore false, because the language is rich; but that wisdom and folly are
as wholesome and unwholesome food; and adorned or unadorned phrases as courtly
or country vessels; either kind of meats may be served up in either kind of
dishes.
That greediness then, wherewith I had of so long time expected that man,
was delighted verily with his action and feeling when disputing, and his
choice and readiness of words to clothe his ideas. I was then delighted, and,
with many others and more than they, did I praise and extol him. It troubled
me, however, that in the assembly of his auditors, I was not allowed to put in
and communicate those questions that troubled me, in familiar converse with
him. Which when I might, and with my friends began to engage his ears at such
times as it was not unbecoming for him to discuss with me, and had brought
forward such things as moved me; I found him first utterly ignorant of liberal
sciences, save grammar, and that but in an ordinary way. But because he had
read some of Tully`s Orations, a very few books of Seneca, some things of the
poets, and such few volumes of his own sect as were written in Latin and
neatly, and was daily practised in speaking, he acquired a certain eloquence,
which proved the more pleasing and seductive, because under the guidance of a
good wit, and with a kind of natural gracefulness. Is it not thus, as I recall
it, O Lord my God, Thou Judge of my conscience? before Thee is my heart, and
my remembrance, Who didst at that time direct me by the hidden mystery of Thy
providence, and didst set those shameful errors of mine before my face, that I
might see and hate them. ^24
[Footnote 24: Ps. 1. 21.]
For after it was clear that he was ignorant of those arts in which I
thought he excelled, I began to despair of his opening and solving the
difficulties which perplexed me (of which indeed however ignorant, he might
have held the truths of piety, had he not been a Manichee). For their books
are fraught with prolix fable, of the heaven, and stars, sun, and moon, and I
now no longer thought him able satisfactorily to decide what I much desired,
whether, on comparison of these things with the calculations I had elsewhere
read, the account given in the books of Manichaeus were preferable, or at
least as good. Which when I proposed to be considered and discussed, he, so
far modestly, shrunk from the burthen. For he knew that he knew not these
things, and was not ashamed to confess it. For he was not one of those talking
persons, many of whom I had endured, who undertook to teach me these things,
and said nothing. But this man had a heart, though not right towards Thee, yet
neither altogether treacherous to himself. For he was not altogether ignorant
of his own ignorance, nor would he rashly be entangled in a dispute, whence he
could neither retreat nor extricate himself fairly. Even for this I liked him
the better. For fairer is the modesty of a candid mind, than the knowledge of
those things which I desired; and such I found him, in all the more difficult
and subtile questions.
|
